Bancuri

[Cumnatu]

tare rau situl asta http://unvideoalgiorno.com/

[cpop]

Locul I la "cele mai jenante momente din viatza unui om"

 

Harvard, Cursul de Biologie. Profesosul explica despre nivelul ridicat de glucoza din sperma. O tanara studenta ridica mana si spune:

- Sa inteleg din ceea ce spuneti dvs ca sperma are la fel de multa glucoza ca zaharul!?

- Exact domnisoara.. .

- Si cum se face ca nu e dulce?

- Pentru ca papilele gustative pt dulce sunt in varful limbii si nu in adancul gatului! ...i-a replicat calm profesorul.. ..

[laurentziu83]

Asta a fost la Universitate la Targu Mures, nu la Harvard.

[uskt2005]

am pe tico al meu(an de productie 2000).Ma interesez pentr ca vreau sa-mi pun GPL ...

 

Culmea zgarceniei : " Sa pui instalatie de gaz pe tico"

[Brainiac]

Leuuuuutzuuuuuleeeee, unde esti???

[Jonin]

De ce poarta miresele rochie alba?

 

 

 

Cica albul e culoarea standard a electrocasnicelor!!

[CARABUSU]

Francezii au facut niste sapaturi arheologice si au gasit la vreo 50 m adancime resturi de fire de cupru. Dupa ce au fost cercetate cu atentie de oameni de stiinta, s-a tras concluzia ca stramosii francezilor, Galii, pusesera la punct o retea de telefonie subterana. La aceasta neasteptata veste, nemtii, ca sa nu ramana mai prejos, au inceput si ei sa sape si pe la 70 m adancime au gasit niste resturi de sticla de unde, dupa alte cercetari, au ajuns la concluzia ca stramosii lor, Gotii, pusesera la punct o retea subterana de fibre optice. Românii au inceput si ei sa sape; pana la 100 m nu au gasit nimic si au ajuns la concluzia ca dacii comunicau wireless.

[zeneseu]

Cica 2 betivi se intoarceau de la bar. Dupa 20 de metri unu zice: "-Ba, am uitat sa ma pis!" La care celalt ii zice: "Nu-i nimic ba, te invat eu!"

[adycez]

se citeste intai textul

 

 

 

 

 

Iata ce MMS am primit de la nevasta cand am fost plecat in Delegatie:

 

Draga pui,

 

Te rog sa nu te superi, dar am lovit jeepul tau un pic.

Cand am venit de la cumparaturi, am apasat pe acceleratie in loc sa franez si am lovit usa de la garaj.

Masina ta cu care te plimbi duminica a fost si ea un pic zgariata.

Motocicleta sa stii ca nu a patit nimic.

 

Stiu ca tu ma iubesti si ma vei intelege.

Pa, Pa,

 

P.S. Uite am facut o poza cu telefonul. Ca sa vezi ca nu e mare lucru.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[zeneseu]

Un om in virsta doreste sa emigreze. La completarea formalitatilor, este intrebat de catre oficialitati de ce. - Datorita homosexualitatii... - Cum asa? - Pai, in timpul nazistilor se pedepsea chiar cu moartea, dupa aceea cu inchisoare, iar acum este permisa prin lege. As dori sa emigrez pina nu devine obligatorie!!!!

[Tigrutza]

Un politist da tarcoale unui bar unde se cam consuma mult alcool in scopul de a prinde cativa soferi piliti. Un client al barului se impiedica la intrare si incepe sa isi cauta cheile cam vreo cinci minute asa. Dupa ce le-a gasit, se taraste si le incearca la vreo patru, cinci masini pana ce a gasit-o pe a lui. Pana ce a ajuns in masina toti ceilalti s-au carat. Politistul il vede si il asteapta bucuros sa iasa in strada. Evident il opreste pe sofer, ii pune fiola si stupoare 0,0 alcool. Politistul complet buimac. Soferul in schimb ii spune: - In seara asta eu am fost momeala...

[Leutzu]

Un homo prinde o calugarita si o violeaza. A doua zi il prinde un politai si il intreaba:

- Mai, tu parca erai homo?

La care raspunde:

- Da, dar pe la spate arata ca Zorro.

[hawkeye]

http://www.infidelguy.com

Questioning God, Gods, and Spirituality

 

Please send your questions to infidelguy@aol.com for review. Also make requests why you think a particular question should be removed or improved. All unsigned questions are by yours truly. "No question is a dumb question." - unknown

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Why would God entrust the spreading of 'His' word to one of his 'fallible' children? He knows men are sinners and are untruI doubt a professor would allow one of his students to teach a class if all the other students' futures were at stake. If God loved us so much and he wants us to be with him, why would he put our eternal souls at risk like that?

 

2. If Satan is the ultimate trickster, how do we know that Satan hasn't tricked Christians into worshipping him as God (Yahweh) and are actually rebuking the "real" God in his own name? - Inspired by Cice Mool

 

3. If god cast the devil into hell and hell is a place for eternal punishment from which even god cannot grant a pardon, then why do the preachers tell us the devil is walking up and down the hallways of high schools tempting teenagers to do drugs and have pre-marital sex? A warden who allows his prisoners the freedom to go out and kill and rape would be terminated for incompetence. - jshanahan@austin.rr.com

 

4. I have often heard from many believers that even Satan has a presence in the church, which is why even in church people can still have impure thoughts. If Satan can find his way in the church, how do Christians know that Satan didn't find his way into the Bible and twist the whole book? - The Infidel Guy

 

5. If the Universe is everywhere by definition, why do theists ask where it came from? How can there be anywhere for the universe to come from if the Universe is already everywhere by definition? - Chris and The Infidel Guy

 

6. Does God think? If so, he cannot be all-knowing. Think about it. - The Infidel Guy

 

7. If a soul is non-physical and the human body is physical, how does a soul stay in our bodies?

 

8. If God is all-knowing, how could he be disappointed in His creation? -- Pm453ca@aol.com

 

9. If God is unchangeable (immutable), how is there evidence of a god when everything else around us is changing? - The Infidel Guy

 

10. Why did God flood the earth to remove evil? It didn't work! Evil came right back, God should have known that would happen! So why did He bother? - PhineasBg

 

11. Why is it that theists tell me that I have to examine every part of the universe and not find God anywhere in order to say that there is no god, when in fact all I need to do is not find God in one location since he is supposed to be omnipresent? - Chris

 

12. If the garden of Eden was a perfect paradise as xians claim, then why did Eve even want to eat the apple? Wouldn't a perfect place provide everything a person would want or desire and thus she would want nothing? - keyser soze

 

13. Romans 6:23 says "For the wages of sin is death" Does this mean animals sin as well? Or uni-cellular organisms? Do plants sin? Because they all die as well, not just humans. Why does an animal die, if it doesn't know the moral difference between right and wrong? - Nef

 

14. Why would an all-powerful god become flesh in order to sacrifice himself to himself so that his creation might escape the wrath of himself. Couldn't god, in his infinite wisdom, come up with something a little more efficient? - Omphaloskeptic2@aol.com

 

15. If we are the children of god, and yet we have never seen him, does that make us the bastards of god? Not to mention my mom didn't marry God- hyasynth_vii@yahoo.com

 

16. After 9/11 a lot of people have been tossing around "god bless america". Why do they keep saying this? From the looks of it god hasn't blessed anything. If god had blessed america, the 9/11 event would've never happened. Theists seem to give the answer of "everything is part of gods big plan". If everything is part of gods big plan, why are we after Bin Laden? Wasn't he and other terrorists just carrying out gods desired plan? So it seems that Bin Laden/ terrorism isnt our enemy , but god. - rsri13@hotmail.com

 

17. Christians say that God is NOT the author of confusion. Can you say, Tower of Babel? - The Screaming Monkeys

 

18. Christians will tell you that if a baby dies it goes to heaven. Why then are they so against abortion? All the child is being deprived of is the opportunity to go to hell. Either that or god expects unborn fetuses to accept Jesus. - dissolvedego@satannet.org

 

19. Why does God have emotions (jealousy, anger, sadness, love, etc.) if he is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent? Emotions are reactionary, how can God react to us if he is all-knowing and has a divine plan?

 

20. If Jesus Christ is allegedly the omnipotent god made flesh...how is it that he did not inherit Original Sin? Remember, he is allegedly Man and god in union, and if truly man, as well as god, he must have inherited Original Sin. ???- His Lordship, Lucifer

 

21. If God is the father of Jesus, what is Jesus' DNA like? Does God have sperm? If he doesn't, where did Mary get the DNA from that was needed to make Jesus? This would make Mary asexual and Jesus would then be a girl. No Y chromosome. - chris_crispy@hotmail.com and Rebe2amble@aol.com

 

22. I never got the remote controlled car I prayed for as a child, but if I want to go to hell, will God grant my wish?.... Gee, thanks God! - dissolvedego@satannet.org

 

23. In the "Last Days" Jesus is supposed to appear in the clouds. How are the Christians on the opposite end of the world going to see him? Are there going to be millions of Jesus'? What about people that work underground? - Rebe2amble@aol.com

 

24. A true Muslim man is not supposed to do anything that the prophet Muhammad didn't do. If one remembers there was a big debate over whether or not Muslims should eat Mangoes. If this is true why in the Hell were these Islamic Fundamentalists flying airplanes?

 

25. If the earth was covered by a complete global flood, every living creature killed except those surviving on the ark, why are there many completely unique animal species in Australia that are found no where else indigenously on the earth? - mitch@mchsi.com

 

26. If god is omniscient and "god is love," why would he allow a child to be conceived, knowing that that child would one day reject him and spend eternity burning in a lake of fire? If I were god, I wouldn't allow it; I have more love for humanity than he does. -- TiredTurkeyProd

 

27. How can Heaven be utter bliss when you know that people you love and care about are burning in Hell? -- The Infidel Guy - ANSWER: - When we get to Heaven there will be no pain. God erases our memories of our loved ones that may be in Hell because he doesn't want to experience pain.

 

28. Revelations takes place on Earth. What if we colonize the moon or Mars or inhabit a self-sustaining space station? Do we escape "judgement"? -- Ray Sommers ANSWER: God will get them too. - Jim

 

29. Many people believe in ghosts. My question is, "Why is it that people see only ghosts of people or pets? Why not Neanderthals or better yet dinosaurs? That would be one hell of a ghost to see a Brontosaurus parading downtown.

 

30. If god did open the sea so that Moses and the jews could run away from Egypt, why didn't he open the concentration camps gates? -- Guilherme Hoffmann

 

31. Why are we granted free will if our duty in this life to our god is to do as we are told? We are to follow rules upon threat of punishment. Is that free will? -- Gandalfs Nephew

 

32. Isaiah 40:28 says, "...the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is he weary?" If this is true, why did God rest on the seventh day?

 

33. Everytime I go to a funeral the preacher and guests always say that "God" has called that person to Heaven or they say, "God said it was time to come home", or some such variation. If God is calling these people "home", why are we putting the murderers of these victims in prison? How can we punish a man or woman for doing God's will?

 

34. Did Adam and Eve have belly buttons?

 

35. Traditional Jews utilize Yahweh or (YHWH) as Gods name because his true name is supposedly unpronounceable. My question is, how can it be possible that people are using the Lords name in vain when nobody really knows what his name is?

 

36. Why is God predominately called a "he"?

 

37. If you are born retarded, then does that mean your "soul" is retarded as well?-- Matt Edwards

 

38. Planet Earth, we are reliably informed, is several billion years old. The last dinosaur expired some 70 million years ago. Homo sapiens, the only form of life according to christian doctrine, that is of any interest to their god is not more than 100,000 years old. How in the name of all that is reasonable did the judaeo-christian god occupy himself for all those millions - billions of years until humankind came along to keep him so busy ? -- Trish Huesken /John Perkins

 

39. If man is modeled after "God" does that mean "God" has a penis? -- Terry Clark

 

40. Why can't we wait until we get to Heaven to worship God?

 

41. What is the purpose of prayer? What can a finite being on Earth possibly tell an omnipotent, omniscient deity that he doesn't know already?

 

42. If God has a plan for you, and his plan cannot be thwarted, do you really have a free will?

 

43. If the "soul" is everything that is you (the essence) then how come when someone gets into an accident, they lose memories, functions and can be paralyzed? Why should "brain damage" matter if this "soul" is so important? -- Matt Edwards

 

44. Christians like to talk about what Jesus sacrificed. If Jesus was the all-knowing God, then when he "died" didn't he know he'd be in heaven in less than 3 days to rule? If Jesus is alive and ruling today, what did he sacrifice? -- Cyndy Hammond

 

45. If the omnipotent God wants us to know him, why doesn't everyone know him?

 

46. Where is Hell and Heaven? It was believed that heaven was in the sky until modern astronomers showed otherwise.

 

47. If God's design is so great, why do men have nipples?

 

48. How did Adam and Eve know it was wrong to disobey God if they hadn't eaten of the tree of knowledge (of good and evil) yet? You can't blame them if they didn't know.

 

49. If God has such a tremendous problem with uncircumcised penises, why did he make man with foreskin in the first place?

 

50. If God is all-knowing is there anything we can do to shock him? If not, why does he react so often to what we do?

 

51. If reincarnation is real, why is it that our population is growing? Where would the extra "souls" come from? -- Matt Edwards

 

52. Why does the omnipotent, omnipresent God need help from man or angels to spread his word or do acts?

 

53. How did Jesus ascend to Heaven in the Flesh when Paul says that flesh cannot inherit the kingdom of Heaven? (1 Cor.15:50)

 

54. If God wants us to live right and choose "the good," why did he create evil? (Isaiah 45:6,7) Not to mention he already knows which people are not going to choose "the good" so why create those people in the first place? It seems that many people are born to go to Hell.

 

55. I hear Christians all the time speaking of a war between Heaven and Hell, if this is true does God have limitations of power? Man only conducts wars because of our limitations of power and foresight. God has both all-power and all-knowledge, no reason for war.

 

56. The Bible is full of phrases beginning with, "and the lord saw". Didn't he know before hand?

 

57. The Bible states that in the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth. It says nothing about the Universe. Some would say "the Heavens" was space, if so, when did God create Heaven? If "the heavens" is the spiritual Heaven, when did God create Space?

 

58. If Christians say they know God exists and that he will work miracles, what do they need faith for? Faith is not knowing.

 

59. Brain transplants will eventually be possible, where would the soul be then?

 

60. If God really wants us to know him, why doesn't he place the knowledge of him in our minds at birth? The same way many theists believe that God implants our sense of right and wrong in us a right birth.

 

61. If God was Jesus' father (not Joseph), then why is Jesus' family tree traced through Joseph? -- Cyndy Hammond

 

62. Christians say that since we and our universe are an intelligent design, that we must have been created by god. But then god is an intelligent design also, so who created him? -- Rathish Sriparavastu

 

63. Why does almost every description of God also equal non-existence? (i.e. incorporeal, immaterial, ineffable, unfathomable, incomprehensible, etc.)

 

64. Why can't God appear before everyone at the same time? Everyone in the world would then know he exists and not believe. And please, don't say he already tried that. Surely a God knows exactly what to do to convince a measly human of his existence.

 

65. According to the New Testament Matthew 5:17 says "Do not suppose that I have come to abolish the Law and the prophets; I did not come to abolish, but to complete. I tell you this: so long as heaven and earth endure, not a letter, not a stroke, will disappear from the Law until all that must happen has Happened." So since Jesus has not returned the "Law" is still in effect, so why aren't we still burning witches, stoning adulterers and disobedient children, killing homosexuals, ostracizing people that work on the Sabbath (nurses, doctors etc.), flinging blood onto the horns of the alter, pulling off the heads of small birds, and don't forget human sacrifice to God (Leviticus 27 P.28 )? -- Sheila L. Chambers

 

66. If believers can accept that a God has always been here. Why can't they accept an equally plausible argument that the non-conscious Universe has always been here in some form?

 

67. If the story of Noah's ark is true. What did Noah do with all the feces? There wasn't even adequate ventilation. Hell, what did the meat-eating animals eat? And where were the dinosaurs and Unicorns in all this?

 

68. What loving god accepts sacrifices of his own creations? especially his son? -- Reverend Heresy

 

69. Was Jesus God in human form? If so was God saving us from himself. Kinda selfish eh? That's what the Christians unknowingly proclaim when they acknowledge that Jesus is God.

 

70. Many Christians claim that man can't judge God's actions as evil because he has a divine plan and is GOD. This being the case, then it would stand to reason that one cannot judge whether God is good either. Wouldn't God be ammoral? It appears that morality is a subjective concept that varies from culture to culture. Therefore, how we judge God either way?

 

71. Why would a god make non-believers and punish them for being what he made them to be? -- Cyndy Hammond

 

72. What is God's plan? The omniscient, omnipotent God doesn't need plans. Plans are a limitation of power. We make plans because we are not all-knowing nor all-powerful. In order for God to have a plan, or design, is to make him as humanistic as you or I. Limited.

 

73. Many people believe there is a soul. If you can supposedly see, smell, taste, touch and hear without a body then why do you have one? Wouldn't a body be a waste? Why aren't we just "souls" floating around in the first place? -- Matt Edwards

 

74. How could the all-merciful/loving God watch billions of his children burn over and over again for eternity?

 

75. Before reading and writing were invented (5000BC), on what basis did God use to judge the people who died before the Hebrew and Greek text (BIBLE) were written? -- agent2g@aol.com

 

76. How could souls burn? Aren't souls non-physical entities? I've heard of spiritual burns before. Sheesh, God sure goes through a lot of effort just to torture the children he loves.

How can one hold to the barbaric belief that something has to DIE in order to appease a god for a bad deed? -- Nickolaus Wing

 

78. Christians always say that everything is part of gods big plan. If everything is already planned out by god, what difference does it make if they pray or not? -- Rathish Sriparavastu

 

79. Why does SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) occur? Why would God allow a baby to live for such a short period of time? Why not just let them not be born in the first place? -- Terry Clark

 

80. Why didn't god forbid Adam & Eve to eat from the other magic tree? - damon@internetwis.com

[gigi-kent]

Luate de pe un site porno...

[alexino]

Un cavaler, inainte de a pleca in cruciada il cheama pe lacatusul castelului sa ii monteze sotiei sale centura de castitate. Dupa ce o monteaza, lacatusul intreaba : - Punem si botnitza? >

[CristiP]

Î: De ce nu poarta stelistii centura de siguranta?

R:Ca sa castige puncte pentru Steaua!!!

[Viz]

Doi soti fac 50 de ani de casatorie si se duc sa serbeze la hotelul unde

si-au petrecut luna de miere. ajunsi acolo povestesc ocazia si sunt

tratati regeste cu sampanie si caviar din partea hotelului. dimineata

cei doi se trezesc la care ea incepe sa-si sufle nasul pe asternut. el

uimit o ia la rost cum poate sa faca asa ceva dupa ce au fost tinuti in

puf de hotel. ea : auzi barbate, acum 50 de ani te-ai taiat la deget ca

sa-mi salvezi onoarea, azi e randul meu...

 

 

Intr-o farmacie, patronul vede un tip rezemat de perete. Il intreaba pe

vanzator: -Ce-i cu tipul ala? Ce are? Vanzatorul:- A venit sa-i dau ceva

pentru tuse. N-am gasit siropul de tuse, asa ca i-am dat o sticla de

laxativ Patronul:- Esti tampit! Cum sa-i dai laxativ pentru tuse?

Vanzatorul:- Ooho, uita-te la el!. Crezi ca mai are curaj sa tuseasca?

Edited March 14, 2007 by nepotu

[sebian]

> Cv de exceptie, din colectia Orange >

Cv_demential.pdf

[CristiP]

Un tip iese de la serviciu intr-o vineri dupa amiaza.Dar era zi de salariu, prin urmare, in loc sa se duca direct acasa, se duce la o petrecere unde sta toata noaptea cu baietii cheltuind toti banii.Cand pana la urma ajunge acasa duminica seara, sotia sa ii tine o morala de zile mari. Dupa ore intregi de monologuri suparate, ii spune : - Ti-ar placea daca nu m-ai mai vedea doua sau trei zile?

El raspunde : - N-am nimic impotriva. Trece ziua de luni si nu-si vede sotia. Si marti si miercuri vin si trec si tot n-o vede.Joi insa, umflatura scade putin atata cat sa o vada cu coltul ochiului stang.

 

 

Cum recunosti un director?

 

Un barbat zbura cu un balon cu aer cald si la un moment dat si-a dat seama ca s-a ratacit. A coborat pana aproape de pamant si a zarit o femeie pe o pajiste. Apropiindu-se de ea i-a strigat

- Fii amabila, poti sa ma ajuti? Am promis unui prieten ca ma intalnesc cu el dar nu mai stiu unde ma aflu!

Femeia i-a raspuns:

 

- Te afli intr-un balon cu aer cald la vreo 10 m inaltime. Te gasesti intre 40-41 grade latitudine nordica si intre 59-60 grade longitudine vestica.

 

- Ei, probabil esti inginera de profesie! spuse omul din balon.

 

- Asa este, spuse femeia, dar de unde stii?

 

- Pai tot ce mi-ai spus este corect din punct de vedere tehnic dar tot n-am idee ce as putea face cu informatiile de la tine. Sa fiu sincer, nu m-ai ajutat deloc. Ba chiar pot spune ca m-ai tinut pe loc degeaba.

 

Atunci femeia i-a raspuns:

- Dar tu trebuie sa fii director!

 

- Asa este, raspunse barbatul, dar de unde stii?

 

- Nu stii unde te afli si nici incotro te indrepti. Te-ai ridicat la inaltime profitand de o flama care a incins situatia. Ai facut o promisiune pe care nu ai cum sa o tii si te astepti ca oamenii de sub tine sa rezolve problema. Adevarul este ca te afli exact in locul unde te aflai cand am inceput discutia acum un minut, insa brusc constati acum ca asta este din vina mea!

[laurentziu83]

> Cv de exceptie, din colectia Orange >

Sa le vezi p-alea cu Limba Romana scris si vorbit: foarte bine

Sau cu mail-uri gen: o dulceata de fetitza@yahoo, etc

E distractiv cand te apuci sa rasfoiesti CV-uri, mai mult decat o revista de bancuri.

[nrares]

Tata lui Ion incearca sa-i spuna ca e vremea sa se insoare:

– Mai copile sa stii ca ti-am gasit nevasta!

– Pe cine tata?

– Pe Veronica a lui Gheorghe din vale... !

– Dar, tata, aia e oarba... !

– Lasa ba ca numa bine nu te-a vede cand vii tarziu acasa!

– Dar, tata, aia e si surda... !

– Lasa ba ca numa bine nu le-a auzi ea pa tate!

– Dar tata, e si schioapa!

– No, ma copile, dupa atatea calitati se mai accepta si un mic defect, ce vrei...

[luck33ro]

puteai sa pui si muta, la calitati...

[zeneseu]

Poate il stiti si voi...

 

Un politist cu un renault "chamade",opreste la o benzinarie.

Coboara din masina dar isi uita cheile inauntru si i se incuie portiera.Nestiind cum sa descuie usa fara chei il intreaba pe benzinar.Acesta vazand ca geamul de la portiera este putin deschis,il sfatuieste pe politist sa incerce sa descuie usa cu o sarma.Zis si facut.Dupa un timp trece un om pe acolo si se pune pe ras.

-De ce razi dom'le? il intreaba benzinarul.

-pai este un politist mai incolo care incearca sa traga siguranta de la usa masinii cu o sarma,ca sa o descuie.

-Si ce e rau in asta,ca eu l-am invatat? zice benzinarul

-Pai nu e nimic rau,dar e altul in masina care zice:"mai la stanga,mai la dreapta"

[CristiP]

Frizerul il intreaba pe client :

- Cum sa va tund ca sa fiti multumit ?

- Gratis !

 

Medicul mi-a recomandat insistent sa incetez

chefurile.

- Care medic ?

- Cel de deasupra noastra !

 

Directorul unui internat ii previne pe baieti :

- Daca da dracu' si-l prind pe unul din voi in dormitorul fetelor, il amendez cu 10 Euro ; a doua oara il ard cu 20 de Euro si a

treia oara cu 40 Euro !

 

Din spate, o voce timida :

- Dom' director, da' un abonament cat costa ?

 

 

Doua vecine se cearta la gard :

- Nenorocito ce esti ! Barbatu-meu iar a dormit la tine in

noaptea asta !

Cealalta ii raspunde :

- Poate la tine doarme ! La mine sta treaz !

 

- Aveti oua de casa ? intreaba un client vanzatoarea.

- Nu domnule, numai de gaina.

 

De la o vreme, sotul se intoarce

tot mai tarziu acasa, uneori lipsind chiar toata noaptea. Intr-o zi insa, sotia ii spune furioasa :

- Esti atat de infidel incat ma indoiesc ca ai fi tatal copiilor nostri !

 

Sotul ii spune sotiei:

- Draga mea, vino pana la baie sa vezi cum spal a treia camasa !

- Vai dragul meu, ce harnic esti ! Ai spalat deja celelalte doua?

- Nu, am inceput direct cu a treia...

 

- Ce mai este nou, Gigi ?

- Sunt suparat, Vasile. Am aflat ca nevasta-mea ma insala.

- Bine, dar eu te-am intrebat ce mai e nou ...

 

Un politist intra intr-un magazin de articole electronice.

- Aveti TV color ? intreaba el.

- Da, domnule.

- Atunci dati-mi unul verde !

 

La serviciul "Personal" se prezinta un

barbat.

- Va rog sa ma angajati, zice el, am 9 copii !

- Bine, bine, i se raspunde, dar ce altceva mai stii sa faci ?

 

- Sa stii inculpat ca orice marturie mincinoasa se pedepseste cu inchisoarea de pana la 6 luni !

- Da, dar daca spun adevarul, risc 6 ani

!

 

Voi barbatii nici nu stiti ce complicata e viata femeilor ! Azi pot fi in bratele sotului, iar maine pot ajunge in bratele Domnului!

- Dar poimane sunteti libera ?

 

Maica stareta surprinde intr-o noapte un barbat care incerca sa sara gardul manastirii inapoi in strada.

- Ce-ai cautat aici, nenorocitule ?

- Am vrut sa fur mancare, dar m-au prins maicutele.

- Cand? In seara asta ?

- Nu, acum patru saptamani !

 

 

O profesoara noua incearca sa predea lectii de

psihologie unor copii:

-Cine crede ca e prost, sa se ridice in picioare!

Dupa citeva secunde, se ridica in picioare Bula.

-Poti sa ne spui de ce crezi ca esti prost?

-Nu sint prost, doamna, dar imi parea rau sa stati in picioare numai

dumneavoastra . . .

 

Un ziarist se duce la un interviu la un spital de

nebuni. Doctorul ii explica:

- Periodic, le dam nebunilor cate un test. Care reuseste sa il treaca, ii dam drumul. De exemplu, acum am umplut o cada cu apa. Langa cada avem o

lingurita, un pahar si o galeata si le cerem nebunilor sa goleasca apa din cada.

Ziaristul spuse:

- Foarte simplu, orice om sanatos ar folosi galeata.

La care doctorul:

 

- Gresit, un om normal al trage dopul de la cada. Ce pat preferati, jos sau sus?

[zeneseu]

Un politist vine-ntr-o zi acasa cu un televizor ultimul racnet.

- De unde ai televizoru'? intreaba sotia.

- L-am castigat la un concurs organizat de politie.

- Ce fel de concurs?

- De matematica.

- Si ce v-au dat de facut?

- "Cat fac 5x5?" Iar eu, cu 17, am iesit pe locul trei.

 

 

Un urs batran il invata pe unul tanar:

- Omul trebuie atacat in asa fel incat sa aiba timp sa te vada si sa reactioneze.

- De ce?

- Sunt mai gustosi dupa aceea, nu mai au rahat in ei.

 

Tata, imi cumperi un mobil hightech 3G cu USB, bluetooth cu camera video, GPRS si cu aplicatii java si mp3?

- Fiule, nu te-ai putea droga si tu ca si ceilalti copii?

 

-Alo, familia Lupulescu?

-Nu, aici e familia lu' Ionescu!