khhamsin
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Everything posted by khhamsin
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Hahahahahaha... Caterinca mare rau de tot !!!!! Se uita colegii urat la mine... Rad singur in birou ! Nu mai faceti de-astea, ca ma dau afara !
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Votat. Mau e o bestie ce sa mai ... Sa-ti traiasca si sa ai grija de el !
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exista un emulator in visual studio .net 2003
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Kalos si cauciucurile de iarna
khhamsin replied to Abram Burel's topic in Probleme tehnice Aveo, Kalos, Lacetti
Mi se par prea galagioase. -
Fundatia respectiva a gasit stapani la cateva zeci de caini maidanezi.
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Pentru iubitorii de animale : Asociatia pentru protectia animalelor 'Ia-ma acasa' Cod fiscal: 16829758 Cont: RO57RNCB0080005661200001 deschis la BCR Doamnei Din pacate, doar 30% din sumele pe care contribuabilii le-au virat catre asociatii non-profit au ajuns la destinatie. Restul... s-au pierdut pe drum. Nesimtirea celor de la administratiile financiare pur si simplu nu are limite. Cred ca trebuie ceruta o confirmarea de plata de la imbecili cand se depun declaratiile, nu-mi dau seama. Daca sunt angajati la administratia financiara pe forum si au ceva de comentat, ii astept
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Africa de sud amu ceva timp. In autobuze albii stateau pe scaun, negri in picioare. Intr-unul din autobuze soferul pusese un mare afis: "In acest autobuz nu exista discriminare. din punctul meu de vedere nu exista albi si negri, pentru mine toti sunteti albastri. Cei albastri deschis stau jos si cei albastru inchis stau in picioare"
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A New Year's Message from John Cleese to the Citizens of the States of America: In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the Revocation of Your Independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: (You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.) 1. Look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. 2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters and the suffix ize will be replaced by the suffix ise. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up vocabulary). 3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. 4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. 5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun. 6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. 7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. 8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. 9. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) -roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it. 10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar. 11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion. 12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater. 13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). 14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 21% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. 15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad. 16. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776). 17. Daily tea time begins promptly at 4 PM with proper cups, never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season. Thank you for your co-operation. Sincerely John Cleese
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O scrisoare catre Ariel de la o utilizatoare satisfacuta... Draga Ariel, Iti scriu ca sa-ti spun cat de grozav esti! Te folosesc de cand m-am maritat, pentru ca mama mi-a spus ca esti cel mai bun. Acum, dupa ce am implinit 50 de ani, te gasesc chiar si mai bun! Asta pentru ca acum o luna, am varsat putin vin rosu pe bluza mea alba cea noua. Nesimtitul meu de barbat a si inceput sa ma piseze ca sunt neindemanatica si ca sunt o pacoste in general. Si uite-asa, mai una, mai alta, pana la urma m-am trezit si cu o groaza de sange de-al lui pe bluza. Am incercat sa scot petele cu un detergent ieftin, dar n-a mers. Am dat o fuga la supermarket, am cumparat Ariel cu inalbitor si, spre surprinderea si bucuria mea, toate petele au disparut! De fapt, au iesit atat de bine ca pana si politistii care au venit ieri mi-au spus ca testele de ADN de pe bluza mea au fost negative. Dupa aceea a sunat si procurorul si mi-a spus ca nu mai figurez pe lista suspectilor in cazul disparitiei sotului meu. Ce usurare! Sa ai de-a face cu menopauza este suficient, nu ai nevoie sa mai fii si suspectata de crima. Iti multumesc din nou ca esti atat de grozav! Cu bine, am terminat! Trebuie sa le mai scriu si celor care fac sacii din plastic...
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Consumul de alcool: simptom, cauza, solutie! 1. Simptom: Picioare reci si umede. Cauza: Paharul tau e inclinat sub un unghi incorect. Solutie: Intoarce paharul; incearca sa faci astfel incat partea deschisa sa fie indreptata in sus. 2. Simptom: Picioare calde si umede. Cauza: Ei...asta e: te-ai pisat pe tine. Solutie: Du-te si usuca-te la cea mai apropiata toaleta. 3. Simptom: Tejgheaua e din email alb. Cauza: Inca nu ai iesit de la toaleta. Solutie: Mai bine chemi ajutor. 4. Simptom: Nu mai vine berea pe care ai cerut-o de juma' de ora. Cauza: Tejgheaua e in spatele tau. Solutie: Intoarce-te; berea ta e cu siguranta acolo. 5. Simptom: Peretele din fata ta este plin de lumini. Cauza: Probabil ai cazut pe spate. Solutie: Pozitioneaza-ti corpul la 90 de grade de sol! 6. Simptom: Gura iti e plina de chistoace. Cauza: Ai cazut cu nasul in scrumiera. Solutie: Scoate-le afara si clateste-ti gura cu o dusca de gin tonic. 7. Simptom: Vederea tulbure. Cauza: Te uiti printr-un pahar gol. Solutie: Mai cere un rand din bautura ta preferata. 8. Simptom: Se deplaseaza solul sub picioarele tale! Cauza: Doi bodyguarzi te scot afara din local. Solutie: Intreaba-i cel putin unde te duc... 9. Simptom: Reflexii multiple ale unei fete te privesc din apa. Cauza: Esti la WC, incercand sa vomiti. Solutie: Baga-ti degetul in gat... 10. Simptom: Oamenii din jurul tau vorbesc si au un ecou misterios. Cauza: Ti-ai pus paharul la ureche. Solutie: Incteaza sa mai faci pe prostul... 11. Simptom: Ringul se cam deplaseaza, oamenii din jur sunt imbracati in alb, iar muzica e cam monotona. Cauza: Esti intr-o ambulanta. Solutie: Nu misca. Posibila coma alcoolica! 12. Simptom: Tatal tau are un aer cam ciudat, iar fratii te privesc perplex. Cauza: Ai gresit casa. Solutie: Intreaba-i daca nu cumva stiu unde e casa ta... 13. Simptom: Un spot enorm de discoteca te orbeste. Cauza: Esti intins pe spate si s-a facut deja ziua. Solutie: O cafea si o "picatura" mica, ca sa-ti revii...
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Eu scot digitalele la Turbo Shop, in Mall-ul Vitan, la parter. Sigur nu sunt cei mai ieftini de pe piata (8 RON/10x15 parca), dar calitatea e fara repros. Chiar ma intreb daca nu cumva trebuie sa-mi iau o camera mai performanta (>7.2mpx ). PS: Si accepta aproape orice mediu de stocare (card, CD etc.)
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The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven." Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?" Arthur said, "Yep, that's me." God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?" Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?" God said, "Yes." "Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention: 1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions; 2. It chatters constantly at high speeds; 3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much; 4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust; 5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!" "Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it. "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours"
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Un tip cu o maimuta intra intr-un bar. Se duce omul la bar si comanda o bere. Maimuta incepe sa sara de colo colo si baga in gura tot ce gaseste: mananca maslinele si ciresele de pe bar, sare pe masa de biliard si inghite bila 8. Barmanul stupefiat, il intreaba pe tip ce-i cu maimuta. Acesta ii raspunde: - Stai linistit, e maimuta mea, asa face. Nu-ti face griji, pune totul pe nota si platesc. Zis si facut. Dupa vreo 2 saptamani, acelasi tip, aceeasi maimuta, acelasi bar. Incepe maimuta sa sara ca nebuna. Sare pe bar, ia o maslina o baga in fund, o scoate si apoi o inghite. La fel si cu o cireasa. Barmanul, mirat, se adreseaza tipului: - Ce-a patit ma maimuta ta? E de-a dreptul scarbos ceea ce face! - De cand cu bila de biliard, mai intai le masoara!
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Eram fericit. Eram impreuna cu prietena mea de peste un an, asa ca ne-am hotarat sa ne casatorim. Parintii mei ne-au ajutat in toate privintele, prietenii m-au incurajat, iar prietena? Era un vis! Era un singur lucru care nu-mi dadea pace, chiar deloc, si acela era viitoarea soacra. Era o femeie de cariera, desteapta, dar in primul rand frumoasa si sexi, care cateodata flirta cu mine, chiar pe fata, si ma facea sa ma simt prost. Intr-o zi, m-a sunat si m-a chemat pe la ea, sa verific invitatiile. Asa ca m-am dus. Era singura si cand am ajuns, mi-a soptit ca in curand am sa ma casatoresc si ca avea sentimente si dorinte fata de mine pe care nu le putea trece cu vederea. Asa ca inainte de a ma casatori si a imi dedica viata fiicei ei, ea vrea sa faca dragoste cu mine numai o data. Ce puteam spune? Eram socat si nu puteam spune un cuvant. Ea a mai adaugat ca se va duce in dormitor si daca ma simt in stare...sa ma duc si eu. Priveam fermecatorul ei corp cum se indeparta de mine. Am stat pironit un moment, iar apoi m-am intors si m-am indreptat spre usa de la intrare... am deschis-o si am iesit afara. Acolo, sotul ei (viitorul meu socru) statea afara cu pusca in mana si cu lacrimi in ochi, m-a imbratisat si mi-a zis ca sunt foarte fericiti, ca am trecut micul lor test. Nu-si puteau dori un alt barbat pentru fata lor: "Bun venit in familie". Atunci mi s-au inmuiat picioarele si am mai invatat inca o lectie importanta: tine-ti tot timpul prezervativele in masina !!!